“There might be a cost for that.”

“There might be a cost for that.”

Said the GP receptionist, kindly, gently and in an almost apologetic tone.

Yes indeed.  There are many costs.

They include my identity, my career (job), pension, salary, professional status, our mental health and time…  time with each other.  Having choices about where my child lives ripped away from me is another one that springs to mind, and sharing the parenting of my child with strangers (of variable ability and in some cases very different values).

There are costs that few will understand; feeling sick with certain ring tones, when any letter that is unexpected drops on the mat or when an email from any school (even the nice ones) pings into the computer.

There are others: I am floored at times with the most embarrassing flooding (mostly uncontrolled crying of various intensity); I struggle to understand the triggers, but the cost my dignity is significant.  So few understand the impact of trauma.

The costs to our mental health (all of us) have been significant as the (sometimes) hourly trauma of unmet need, fabricated allegations, gaslighting and relentless immoral, unethical, unprofessional, underhand and passive aggressive practice hit us day after day, week after week and year after year.

Our experiences are common, sadly.

You see, when a nurse doesn’t practice for some time, they quite rightly have to requalify.  And I haven’t been able to practice (work) for some time.  Another cost to finances and time with family.  I won’t be expected to pay for the 2 modules it takes to requalify, but I will be expected to pay for (another) DBS check and the GP letter.  I will be completing hours of clinical practice for free.  I’ll be developing a new professional portfolio, writing an assignment; starting all over again, it seems.  I will love it.  I know I will, but I loved my old job (and I was paid 5 grades higher than I’ll be as a newly qualified nurse).

All because the Head Teacher ‘knew’.  HT knew Peter was “normal, normal, NORMAL” (and that all those pesky well trained NHS people were wrong).  She would stop at nothing to prove that.  Quite literally nothing it seems, and it is from there that many of the costs have arisen.  Mindless, low quality, professionals followed HT with fervour and excitement… ooo, a mum that is fabricating… ‘let’s get her’.  The followers came and went the documents reveal, and the key players in this ‘game’ came together for their finalé 3 years later, a last, determined joint effort to prove HT right.  HT was wrong.  Again.  Of course.

I wonder if there are costs to them?  All the energy and determination, all the negative energy towards me and the NHS teams that were simply carrying out their job?

I am looking forward to a new start at my career, 30+ years on. Thanks to ‘HT and mindless followers’ and a few more damaging souls from the Local Authority I have a bunch of new skills and I look forward to using them.

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2 thoughts on ““There might be a cost for that.”

  1. I really love the blogs you have done so far – I often share but lack the time to write something! This is so true and it really is trauma we go through. You’re blogs on EHCP and the anxious mum I could have been reading my own life unfolding. I even quoted a part of it this week! I’ll keep reading your material as it is very informative and stuff that I know can help others in their journey. You’re son is v lucky to have a great mum behind him. Take care x

    Like

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