By DJ and Velcro’s Mum
The tears haven’t come for a long time, but today they did…. and I couldn’t stop. So I rang my dear friend, who just gets it, and talked… and sniffed.
The devastation physically and mentally to our family and home over the last year is now what I see as left after “winning” at educational tribunal. Life for our special needs child will start to improve…. But what’s left behind is in tatters.
I shared with my friend about how my life and my home is barely recognisable to me. Even I’m barely recognisable to me. I laughed in a slightly crazed way at how surviving day to day with violent challenging behaviour and autism has meant we’ve literally patched our house up to get by. Carpets are held down by gaffer tape and there are holes in every wall. Every piece of furniture is damaged, we have a garden full of broken items and every wall in the house is stained from launched refreshments.
Sitting on a toilet with a toilet seat, with toilet roll on a holder and a door that can actually shut because none of it is damaged seems like a luxury. Our idea of ‘normal’ now has very low expectations. What I would give for doors in our house that close without the frame coming loose.
Seriously. I remember our first home. We were so proud of it and the beautiful decoration and lovely things we worked hard for. Over the years the photo frames, ornaments, in fact, anything unsecured has disappeared; mostly damaged beyond repair with a few things hidden away.
Over time furniture has become a necessity, just doing its job, nothing more. Tables, chairs, drawers, shelves and televisions have all been destroyed. Our mattresses are placed on the floor because too many bedframes have been broken.
We really do loose so much of ourselves and our homes and everything in this journey.
We are, I pray, on the cusp of things improving. My lad is about to start a specialist school. But sheesh, it’s gunna be a long route back to anywhere near normal. The house may take months but I fear that the healing that we all need will take years.
For now, it’s nice to be able to see the floor again and maybe we’ll have a new toilet seat next week if I’m lucky!