Month: January 2017

When it all goes dark

Mum to DJ and Velcro

I was asked to be a part of this amazing little group of mums to offer up my experiences, advice and support to other parents following a similar journey.  I’ve watched this little idea of itmustbemum start to grow quickly and have felt quite nervous as to when and what my first piece should be about.

I’ve tried to be logical and sensible and have thought what’s most useful for others to read… but truthfully I’m not really a natural writer and I tend to speak from the heart more than my brain! Continue reading “When it all goes dark”

One of ‘Those’ Parents

By Rosie and Jo’s mum

I never wanted to be one of ‘those’ parents. In fact, I still don’t want to be one.

I need to send my child to school knowing that she will be looked after with integrity and that communications between me and the school will be honest and open. It is important that, when I hand over my child, her needs, as identified by multiple professionals, will be met consistently and effectively, wherever that is reasonable and possible. Continue reading “One of ‘Those’ Parents”

Are they “Naughty” for Attention?

Peter (11yo with Asperger’s) said today “Mum, do you think that people with autism make other people mad on purpose?”

He went on to say that when you make someone angry, then the world becomes predictable for a few minutes.  When he feels he is about to be in crisis and nothing makes sense and everything keeps changing …… then making someone angry stops all of that. Then everything feels safe because it is predictable Continue reading “Are they “Naughty” for Attention?”

Unable to attend school – what next?

Following on from the tips from Rosie and Jo’s mum (see unable to attend school) I want to share some lessons learned from the experiences of Peter and Jack.

Peter and Jack were almost 9 and in Year 4.  They had shared the same kind, nurturing teacher for 1 term in Year 3 and the same unkind (and worse) teachers and Teaching Assistants  in other school years.  The SENCos were really out of their depth – one most certainly had a bad case of unconscious incompetence.  The less said about the Head Teachers the better. Continue reading “Unable to attend school – what next?”

When Professionals are ‘Incompetent’

I was struggling significantly with the unfathomable behaviour of Peter’s head teacher until a friend reminded me about a thing called unconscious incompetence – and then it all fell into place.

With unconscious incompetence you don’t know what you don’t know.  This described many of Peter’s teachers, his SENCo and head teacher nicely.  I particularly love this description of it:

“You are blissfully ignorant: you have a complete lack of knowledge and skills in a specific area, and you’re unaware of this. Your confidence therefore far exceeds your abilities.”  (reference here)

Oh how I longed to tell them that their confidence in the subject of Special Educational Needs far exceeded their ability….. Continue reading “When Professionals are ‘Incompetent’”